I was listening to a song yesterday and the lyrics were quite interesting (at least to me). The gist of the song was, “I want everything I can’t have”. In fact, I think that’s the title of the song. So I got to thinking about why it is that we, humans and in some case animals, want either something we can’t have or want something that someone else has. Is it greed? Is it envy? Since the behavior isn’t exclusive to humans, perhaps it is more basic, more intrinsically hardwired and not one or two of the “7 Deadly Sins”.
More often than not I find myself making comments like, “I wish my hair would grow faster like her hair” or “I love her car, I wish I could have one like it” or “my life would be better / I’d be happier if I had a body like hers”. I know I am not the only one that does this, everyone (to some degree) wants what they can’t have or what others have. It just struck me as one, of the many, oddities of human behavior that can cause major problems or disruptions in one’s life. Miles of credit card debt, anxiety, jealousy, divorce, etc.
Why are we not satisfied with what we have? Why do we want what others have? Like what we have isn’t good enough…. For some people this may be the case. There are many, many people who have nothing and are happy to be alive yet live just at or above the poverty level. Then there are those that aren’t happy with their multimillion dollar homes, cars, planes, and general super rich lifestyle. And then there are some that are in the middle; they have a nice home but want a bigger/better one, or have a nice car but want a better one. Is there something inside us that compels us to want to improve our situation?
I guess improving oneself is a good thing. It pushes us to learn more (finish college perhaps?) or work harder (get a promotion?) or give one’s time to charitable causes that help others (Habit for Humanity?). But what if there is nothing wrong with the house or the car or the husband that we have? I believe the old saying, “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” is absolutely correct. That new house may be bigger and/or better (in your estimation) but it will undoubtedly cost you more in mortgage payments, property taxes, water & electricity, and general up keep. The same can be said for the bigger and/or better car. In terms of the husband (and I don’t speak from experience on this one ~ I have the same husband for the last 12 yrs & hopefully many more), I can only imagine that you would probably just be replacing one set of bad habits for another one and possibly getting someone worse.
So at what point do we stop upgrading, or stop wanting what we don’t have, or what we can’t have? It certainly is a challenge in this particular society when every t.v. station, newspaper, and magazine spew advertisements all over us for things we probably don’t really need. A wise friend of mine told me that for many of those that don’t have the money, there is no choice or trigger within the brain that says I want “this thing” or “that thing”. This is not true for *all* people with no money, as no ONE statement about anybody or anything is rarely true. But generally, no money means it’s just not an option. In a way it takes the stress of choices ~ do I or don’t I buy this thing for myself or my child ~ out of your hands. You just can’t because the means aren’t available. I won’t say this is the perfect answer (having no money) but perhaps having just the right amount is the answer?
I think that daily recollections, a sort of counting of our blessing - if you will, of all the things that we DO HAVE needs to occur; so that we can remind ourselves of ALL that is wonderful in our lives, whether that means being grateful for the house or car or husband or type of hair that we have, and not taking those things for granted or undervaluing them. Appreciate them! Realize that what we have IS enough and we don’t need to have what others have or wish we had those things that we can’t have.
As another wise friend said, remember that the person that you think has the better car, house, husband, hair, body, or whatever, may be miserable and you just don’t know it….
Enough for now,
Ciao
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